Post-Grad to Ideal Career: 10 Tips for that "Awkward" Transition Phase

"Life is the most exciting opportunity we have. But we have one shot. You graduate from college once, and that's it. You're going out of that nest. And you have to find that courage that's deep, deep, deep in there. Every step of the way." —Andrew Shue

Why, hello there late bloomer. What'cha doin'?

Another summer is quickly passing... lightning speed! I don't know about you, but I can hardly believe it's already August. It's been 2 years since I graduated college, and it's gone by quickly and in very unexpected ways. You may laugh, but 3 years ago, I was fully expecting to be pursuing further education, finishing a Masters program at the very least.

Ha! 

I believe I could still do that, and I would like to someday. Yet that's not where I am in my life. I've said this before, but my experiences immediately following college are not exactly where I expected them to be. And that's okay!

What I find difficult is staying motivated to pursue my goals and dreams now that I've been outside the structure of school. I find that guilt in living at home, fear of failure, fear of getting 'stuck' in a job because it's convenient, etc. are some of the challenges that have held me back. Yet I've come to believe that it's in this transition period between college graduation and the 'ideal career' where I've learned more life skills than I would've imagined before.

So here are some tips I'd recommend for anyone in this awkward phase... whether you're just entering it and are job hunting, or whether you've been in it for a while and are seeking to break out soon. If you don't find your daily life interesting, challenge yourself and make it interesting. Here's what I've found works best:


Tip #1. Use any work opportunity, paid or unpaid, and learn all you can from it.
This is one of the easiest approaches you can cultivate in your thinking, especially because you spend much of your time during the week in work. It's time in your day, a day you will never get back. So make the most of it.

I can't say I'm an expert in this, but I'm making a conscious effort to become better at it. I've discovered that many of my 'everyday' experiences at work have helped me in other ways I never would have expected. I'm trying to learn as much as I can, not only because it may be useful in the future, but also because I think experiences in the workplace can translate into some other form that can help me be a better communicator.

"Look at everything as though you are seeing it either for the first or last time, then your time on earth will be filled with glory." —Betty Smith, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn

Tip #2. Break up with the home-work-home routine... demolish it.
Go someplace else and do something new, every single day. Socialize meaningfully.

Nothing has thrown me in a rut and kept me there more than going straight home from work, day in and day out. Not only is that so boring, but it makes me a very crabby person. All the stresses from the day come straight home, and by the time I get there I  just want to crash and relax—a.k.a. good luck getting me to accomplish anything productive.

Mmmm homemade smoked salmon sushi!

Instead, I go to a late-night coffee shop in my tiny Montana town (it's a small miracle that a sit-down cafe is open past 5:30 p.m., let alone stays open until 9:00 p.m.). I go for a walk by the river. I play Bunko with a group of women once a month during the school year. I try to be active in my church and community.

Try new things, and don't feel as if you must take a class to do it. I discovered in college that I love-love-love sushi, and I live so far out of town that going out to eat is rarely practical. Now I'm occasionally trying my hand at making my own sushi at home when I have a free evening and want to relax (Don't worry, I'm only brave enough to use smoked salmon. So far, my family has enjoyed it and no one's been sick! *knock on wood*). Perhaps I'll take lessons someday.

Whatever it is, however you stumble upon it, do it because it gives you joy. It may just take a bad day and turn it on its head.

"I travel a lot. I hate having my life disrupted by routine." —Caskie Stinnett

Tip #3. Volunteer/Mentor.

I've talked about volunteering in the past and doing things for your community even when you get no credit for them. I've also talked about how mentoring has forever changed my life. Nothing beats getting your head out of your own world and seeing how you can positively impact other's lives. 

Girls Districts Track & Field - 3rd Place (May, 2014)

A sense of 'giving back' was instilled in me at a young age, and even while I was still in high school, I remember being thrilled when a graduated high school student took time to come back and volunteer with sports practices and other extra curricular activities. When I moved back home, I couldn't help but want to volunteer in the same way.

The best part is the inevitability. Whether you want it or not, the people you work with will impact your life in a positive, irreplaceable way. Maybe working with teenagers or kids isn't your thing, and that's fine! Find something else to do and get involved. The key is to do something for others with no monetary gain. Do it because you want to do it. That's it. Let the chips fall where they will. You'll see what I mean.

"The delicate balance of mentoring someone is not creating them in your own image, but giving them the opportunity to create themselves." —Steven Spielberg

Tip #4. Maintain a strong and diverse support system.

"It's the obvious which is so difficult to see most of the time. People say 'It's as plain as the nose on your face.' But how much of the nose on your face can you see, unless someone holds a mirror up to you?" —Isaac Asimov, I, Robot

I would not be where I am today without my support system. Plain and simple. The people in my day-to-day life are my lifelines, whether they are near or far away. They cheer me on when I have exciting days, they sit with me when I fall down, and they lend me a hand when I struggle to get back up and running again.

Focus not only on maintaining their support for you, but be that same support for them. 'Burdens shared are burdens halved' and 'joys shared are joys multiplied' are phrases that ring true 100x over. Cherish these people who are a positive influence in your life, and invest in these relationships.

Tip #5. Make staying in touch with your best, long-distance friends a priority.

Similar to Tip #4, these friends in particular need your attention and cultivation. Since I've moved back to Montana, I've struggled with the change that came from having my best girlfirends so far from me. We used to be roomies, lived next door to each other, or lived only a few blocks down the street. At least we lived in the same town for a time. Now we're anywhere from 520 miles to 1,550 miles away at best... and in some cases we're on opposite ends of the globe. Yes, I've met a few dear friends here in Montana. Yet I miss my college girls and international friends like none other. They are my rock-solid confidants and best encouragers. They have no qualms about telling me when my next idea is inspiring or flat-out crazy (and sometimes they're both, simultaneously).

Clockwise from upper left: Ellen, Katie Z., Sam, Katie C., and Alyssa

The key to these friendships is making the regular effort. If you find yourself lonely and thinking of them, chances are they're feeling the same. It's all a matter of who picks up the phone first, writes that e-mail, sends that letter. Make the time. Because when you rekindle those connections weekly or monthly, you'll feel revived and inspired to make each day more positive.

"A good friend is a connection to life - a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world." —Lois Wyse

Tip #6. Living at home: leave the guilt at the door... at least in the short-term.

"People tend to dwell more on negative things than on good things. So the mind then becomes obsessed with negative things, with judgments, guilt and anxiety produced by thoughts about the future and so on." —Eckhart Tolle

I'm supremely guilty of this. (Yay, nothing like feeling guilty about feeling guilty!) This is especially true when it comes to the 'living at home' situation I have. I'm fighting against this silly cultural stigma in my head... you know, the '40-year-old living in his mother's basement' mental image. I worry that I'll sink back into feeling 'stuck' never moving on with my life. Which is, of course, false. It's just taking my personal demons and throwing them out of proportion.

Yet I know that many of you, like me, have been dealing with the same realities of our economy and the job market, where long-term jobs are difficult to land after graduation, and that moving home after school is sometimes the best option (though not always).

Point is, cut yourself some slack for the short term. Do you want to live with your parents for most of your adult life? Not likely! I love my folks, but after 4 years in college learning to be independent and creating a schedule and lifestyle that works for me, it wasn't easy to move home. And it's still not easy living with my folks. Their house, their rules... which I'm glad to adhere to for the most part, but it certainly restricts my freedom in many ways. Not something I desire to continue in the long run. So set limits for yourself, and work to let go of the guilt.


Tip #7. Set specific, 'ideal career oriented' goals.
First, get rid of unrealistic timing schedules, especially the ones where success is dependent on events outside your control. Instead, set other specific goals and stick to them. For example, don't say "I will have 'X' job by 'Y' month", but rather say "I devote 'Z' hours to my job search and applications every week."

Notice the active tense and the specificity in which these goals are set? It's not a matter of 'I will do this in the afternoon' but rather 'I do this during this specific time each day/week'. I learned this very recently as I began to study the Japanese language through TextFugu.com, and it's one of the first things Koichi recommends in Setting Yourself Up For Success, even before diving into the lessons. Sure, this applies specifically to language learning, yet it is immensely helpful in whatever task you set out to do. Actively give yourself tools and habits to succeed.

"There is no scarcity of opportunity to make a living at what you love; there's only scarcity of resolve to make it happen." —Wayne Dyer

Tip #8. Follow through on your goals by accomplishing something specific each week.
Like Tip #7, this tip focuses on goals. Yet this is the follow-through. The point in creating a weekly goal is not to make you feel as if you aren't doing enough, but that you are actively progressing toward your goals, making that dream more tangible. I say once a week both to instill a habit and to take intense pressure off yourself. It gives you structured time to do whatever-it-is. Does this mean touching up your resume or searching for jobs in your career field? Perhaps. It can be simpler than that as well.

It helps a lot if that weekly activity is something you enjoy. For me, I write... or do something writing related with my long-term projects. I get something accomplished, and it's time specifically reserved in the week for this activity. Usually it happens on Friday evenings, but I give myself flexibility to use other days as well. It's all a matter of focus and building your consistency. Soon, you can add a few days a week if you want.

"Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else." —J.M. Barrie

Tip #9. Find daily reasons to be thankful.
I spent a lot of time studying works by Simone Weil during my senior year of college, and what I loved most about diving into her ideas is that she took life seriously, and she valued it. Attention was one of her main scholarly focuses, how humans operate by it and what we aimed it toward. She found weight and purpose in every interaction, and it inspired her to act on those principles she had come to value so deeply.

Beautiful yellow flowers in the mountains of Montana

I'm not saying we need to take life seriously all the time. We have good days and bad days, days that begin one way and end in another... one intense roller coaster. What I am saying is that our perspective gives great influence over how we experience our days. We all give our attention toward something... so why not nurture it to focus on the good things in life?

I am thankful that I live in a beautiful area of the United States. I am thankful that my family loves and supports me. I am thankful for colorful flowers swaying in a sunny afternoon. I am thankful for the entertaining radio personalities that make me laugh on the drive home from work.

Am I consistent in being thankful for things every day? Nope. Yet when I do, that little snipped of joy and optimism often turns a bad day completely on its head. It's all a matter of perspective.

"What we see depends mainly on what we look for." —John Lubbock

Tip #10. You don't need to have it all figured out.

"What you believe is very powerful. If you have toxic emotions of fear, guilt and depression, it is because you have wrong thinking, and you have wrong thinking because of wrong believing." —Joseph Prince

Boy, did I feel the pressure of needing to have it all figured out. Sometimes, I still do... but that's usually when I find myself in the 'uncharted territory' of life experiences. Funny thing is, all of us find ourselves in uncharted life experience territory.

Remember that someone else's timing is not your timing. The important thing is to work hard and remain focused on your goals. If those goals change and evolve, good! That shows you're progressing, and that you aren't the same person you were one week / one month / one year ago. 

I believe we all have a 'camaraderie in our stupidity' from time to time, where we tell ourselves negative things, listen to the naysayers, put value in things and people who hold no value in us. You won't magically stop stumbling and falling, you won't quit failing at things, and sometimes it'll feel like you have no luck and will never get out of your rut. (I'm starting to sound like one of those naysayers, aren't I?). 

Persevere, adapt, learn, and grow. That's all anyone can ask of you... including what you can ask of yourself. Give it your all, and you'll figure out how to get around that hurdle in your path.

"I hope everyone that is reading this is having a really good day. And if you are not, just know that every new minute that passes you have an opportunity to change that." —Gillian Anderson

What about you? What are you figuring out while in this 'transition phase'? Or are you successfully beyond this point and have any helpful suggestions for the rest of us? I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments!

HoneLife: Silence

"Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak knits up the o-er wrought heart and bids it break." —William Shakespeare, Macbeth

Riverview Cemetary - Hamilton, MT

HoneLife has launched, and I couldn't be more excited! Founder of the site, Jessica Wood, invited me—among many others—to be part of this new site that prompts writers, artists, photographers, and other creative folks to express their perspective on the world. And all these perspectives are "honed" around one word each week.

(For more insight into the website, visit pages About HoneLife and "How to Hone".)

Camera at the ready, pen in hand, I was determined to approach the project by going with the one thing that really stuck in mind, that wouldn't let go of me. 

I went to the site and was met with... "Silence."

Oh... Well... Hmm...

It took almost all week for me to really solidify what I wanted to say, mainly because everything I thought about wasn't about temporary silence. I kept thinking about silences that seem to be unbreakable. 

In that sense, the only long-lasting silence I know well... is death. After long reflection, here's what I decided: that death leaves loved ones behind, that death leaves the deepest longing, that death leaves the longest silence. Yet in some ways, depending on what you believe, it is not without hope.

Silence

Silence is an absence,

a lacking,

a grieving,

a remnant void

that's always lost and never filled

Yet silence is a promise,

a longing,

a trusting,

a pregnant hope

that silence never lasts forever


I'm excited to see what else develops on HoneLife, and who knows? Maybe I'll see you there.

"Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell." —Edna St. Vincent Millay



In Memory of Jarden
Silent too soon
Missed by so many

My Best Friend's Wedding

"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one." —C.S. Lewis 

Back Row (Left to Right): Joanna, Lauren, Stephen, Anna, Nick, Elizabeth, Joe, and Mary
Front Row (Left to Right): Jordan, Alyssa, and John

It's official. I'm at "that age." The age where, if you aren't in a relationship/engagement yourself, you're bound to have at least three or more friends, and at least a relative or two, who are.

I must say, this is certainly the wedding season for me. I've been invited to three weddings for 2013... one that was back in April (a best friend), one coming up in August (a cousin), and another at the very end of December (a best friend). I'm closest to the three brides. And all three brides are marrying (or are now married to) a John.

Mr. and Mrs.

To kick off the wedding season, my dear friend Alyssa (that is, "Ah-li-sha") got herself hitched this last April. I had been looking forward to flying out to Wisconsin for so long, especially since I hadn't been able to see her since 11 months earlier at our college graduation.

I also happen to love movies, and I still remember the first time I saw "My Best Friend's Wedding." I can't that I have anything close to a similar relationship with Alyssa that Julianne Potter and Michael O'Neil shared... for obvious reasons... but I do understand how friendships change when significant others come into our lives.

Alyssa's one of those friends where she enters your life totally unexpected, yet once she's there you can hardly picture your life without her. We stumbled across each other (well, I was the one doing the stumbling more likely) during training for a campus job. Then we found out that I was on the floor just below hers. She told me once that her first impression of me was, "Hey! She looks like someone fun to hang out with!" My first impression of her was, "Wow! That gal's so comfortable in her own skin. I've got to get to know her." It didn't take long: a few adventures in her white creeper-van we affectionately called "THE BEAST" and a number of silly conversations later, and you'd see us hanging out at her roommate Mary's soccer games with our friend, Elizabeth, or watching movies on Friday nights with my roommate, Vivienne.

Soccer games at WLC - September, 2008

Since that first impression our freshman year, Alyssa's been my go-to gal whenever all the truly bad, difficult, and downright crappy situations have hit the fan in my life. She's been the one to think of me when I needed to get out and have some fun, and I'd always go looking for her whenever I wanted to try out a somewhat-crazy, whimsical idea. Freshman year was filled with walks to nearby parks to go swinging, navigating to and from Target (or CVS or Pick'n Save) for Res Hall "necessities," and going to as many WLC student programming events as possible.

 

Downtown Milwaukee - March, 2010

Life certainly seemed crazy when we transitioned into sophomore year. By random, we were next door neighbors for campus housing in some apartments close to the library. We also got to know a group of guys who lived directly above Alyssa's place... and in Alyssa's case, it was the beginning. Not only was this the year to try and figure out exactly who we were and who we wanted to be, but I was also dealing with being far from home when a medical illness descended on an immediate member of my family. Being from the West Coast herself, Alyssa was the one gal who understood my pain and frustration at being so far away from home. In all this, she was also dealing with her own personal situations while being far from home. We had tests in our friendship, but we came out stronger for it.

Junior year was filled with excitement as we went through (more) training, this time to become Resident Assistants, something we had been looking forward to for a long time. We were mixed together with some friends we already kind of knew, and it gave all of us the opportunity to develop closer friendships. In Alyssa's case, it would be getting to know someone better who would become very special to her over a year later, though no one but God could've guessed at any of this at the time. Still, junior year was a blast, Alyssa with a group of fun freshmen girls, and me with a group of sophomore thru senior gals on the B-Building top floor... which just so happened to be haunted. (But that's a story for another time.)

ROAD TRIP!! Mount Rushmore - August, 2011

August of 2011 saw us getting ready for our senior year and making the journey back to Wisconsin. What was even better was that Alyssa and I decided to take a road trip together when I got my first car! She'd never been to Mount Rushmore, and that became the foundation for the route we took back. From her crazy journey from Oregon to Montana on a Greyhound Bus to a week of horseback riding, cherry picking, and bonding with my family in Montana, we were on our way to South Dakota. I don't think I'll ever forget that trip or the fun memories we made when we walked the trails around the mountains and explored the Crazy Horse Museum. It was fun(ny) getting waved to by motorcyclists and a few college guys also making the trip across the country... it was not so fun dodging giant bugs that attacked the car at a gas station in Mitchell, South Dakota or listening to my car temporarily squeal when we turned to the right. All in all, we made it to my grandmother's house in Wisconsin and got set to move into our apartments for our second year as RA's.

Senior year was intense, busy, and rewarding on many levels. I tackled two thesis papers for English and philosophy in one fall semester. Alyssa took on a major lab experiment for the duration of the entire year. We lived only a block away from each other, but we didn't get to see each other very often. 

Then I realized that this John person was becoming much more significant in Alyssa's life.

Don't get me wrong, I was thrilled for her! John's one of those incredible, laid back kind of guys who doesn't take life too seriously but genuinely cares about all the people in his life. When he asked Alyssa to become a much greater part of his life, I could see a slow, beautiful change happening in them both. 

Final coffee date before college graduation - May, 2012

It's a rare event when you see two people really click together in personality and values. This is John and Alyssa.

At the same time, as I knew would happen, I saw less and less of my friend. Most people assume that when a significant other enters the picture of a friend, your time spend with that person is halved. I'd say that, instead, you only get an eighth or sixteenth of that original time. Why? Because half of your friend's time is spent with her special someone, and the other half is divided between the rest of her other friends. Still, it took until March (2 months before graduation) for it to really hit me that I really missed having this particular gal in my life. She would be going back to Oregon after graduation, and I was likely to come back to Montana.

So we made a pact: once a week on Sunday afternoons, we'd go out for coffee or go for a walk and spend a couple of hours together. I'm so glad we did!

Hours before Alyssa's wedding - April 27, 2013

Graduation came on May 18th, 2012, and that was the last day I saw Alyssa until her wedding. Our friendship has naturally changed since she got engaged and moved back to Wisconsin. Much of that is because we're now 1,575 miles away from each other... much of it is also because she's now married to her very best friend. I know our friendship has changed, but it's also a necessary change. It makes you slightly sad for things that no longer are, but happy that a great joy is now in your friend's life. And I'm so thankful that, even in these life changes, we're still close. I miss you, Alyssa, but I know you're still there for me no matter what.

Thank you, John, for being the wonderful, steady man in Alyssa's life. Thank you, Alyssa, my heart-sister, for letting me be part of your special day as your attendant. I love you both!

"I think if I've learned anything about friendship, it's to hang in, stay connected, fight for them, and let them fight for you. Don't walk away, don't be distracted, don't be too busy or too tired, don't take them for granted. Friends are part of the glue that holds life and faith together. Powerful stuff." —Jon Katz