Post-Grad to Ideal Career: 10 Tips for that "Awkward" Transition Phase

"Life is the most exciting opportunity we have. But we have one shot. You graduate from college once, and that's it. You're going out of that nest. And you have to find that courage that's deep, deep, deep in there. Every step of the way." —Andrew Shue

Why, hello there late bloomer. What'cha doin'?

Another summer is quickly passing... lightning speed! I don't know about you, but I can hardly believe it's already August. It's been 2 years since I graduated college, and it's gone by quickly and in very unexpected ways. You may laugh, but 3 years ago, I was fully expecting to be pursuing further education, finishing a Masters program at the very least.

Ha! 

I believe I could still do that, and I would like to someday. Yet that's not where I am in my life. I've said this before, but my experiences immediately following college are not exactly where I expected them to be. And that's okay!

What I find difficult is staying motivated to pursue my goals and dreams now that I've been outside the structure of school. I find that guilt in living at home, fear of failure, fear of getting 'stuck' in a job because it's convenient, etc. are some of the challenges that have held me back. Yet I've come to believe that it's in this transition period between college graduation and the 'ideal career' where I've learned more life skills than I would've imagined before.

So here are some tips I'd recommend for anyone in this awkward phase... whether you're just entering it and are job hunting, or whether you've been in it for a while and are seeking to break out soon. If you don't find your daily life interesting, challenge yourself and make it interesting. Here's what I've found works best:


Tip #1. Use any work opportunity, paid or unpaid, and learn all you can from it.
This is one of the easiest approaches you can cultivate in your thinking, especially because you spend much of your time during the week in work. It's time in your day, a day you will never get back. So make the most of it.

I can't say I'm an expert in this, but I'm making a conscious effort to become better at it. I've discovered that many of my 'everyday' experiences at work have helped me in other ways I never would have expected. I'm trying to learn as much as I can, not only because it may be useful in the future, but also because I think experiences in the workplace can translate into some other form that can help me be a better communicator.

"Look at everything as though you are seeing it either for the first or last time, then your time on earth will be filled with glory." —Betty Smith, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn

Tip #2. Break up with the home-work-home routine... demolish it.
Go someplace else and do something new, every single day. Socialize meaningfully.

Nothing has thrown me in a rut and kept me there more than going straight home from work, day in and day out. Not only is that so boring, but it makes me a very crabby person. All the stresses from the day come straight home, and by the time I get there I  just want to crash and relax—a.k.a. good luck getting me to accomplish anything productive.

Mmmm homemade smoked salmon sushi!

Instead, I go to a late-night coffee shop in my tiny Montana town (it's a small miracle that a sit-down cafe is open past 5:30 p.m., let alone stays open until 9:00 p.m.). I go for a walk by the river. I play Bunko with a group of women once a month during the school year. I try to be active in my church and community.

Try new things, and don't feel as if you must take a class to do it. I discovered in college that I love-love-love sushi, and I live so far out of town that going out to eat is rarely practical. Now I'm occasionally trying my hand at making my own sushi at home when I have a free evening and want to relax (Don't worry, I'm only brave enough to use smoked salmon. So far, my family has enjoyed it and no one's been sick! *knock on wood*). Perhaps I'll take lessons someday.

Whatever it is, however you stumble upon it, do it because it gives you joy. It may just take a bad day and turn it on its head.

"I travel a lot. I hate having my life disrupted by routine." —Caskie Stinnett

Tip #3. Volunteer/Mentor.

I've talked about volunteering in the past and doing things for your community even when you get no credit for them. I've also talked about how mentoring has forever changed my life. Nothing beats getting your head out of your own world and seeing how you can positively impact other's lives. 

Girls Districts Track & Field - 3rd Place (May, 2014)

A sense of 'giving back' was instilled in me at a young age, and even while I was still in high school, I remember being thrilled when a graduated high school student took time to come back and volunteer with sports practices and other extra curricular activities. When I moved back home, I couldn't help but want to volunteer in the same way.

The best part is the inevitability. Whether you want it or not, the people you work with will impact your life in a positive, irreplaceable way. Maybe working with teenagers or kids isn't your thing, and that's fine! Find something else to do and get involved. The key is to do something for others with no monetary gain. Do it because you want to do it. That's it. Let the chips fall where they will. You'll see what I mean.

"The delicate balance of mentoring someone is not creating them in your own image, but giving them the opportunity to create themselves." —Steven Spielberg

Tip #4. Maintain a strong and diverse support system.

"It's the obvious which is so difficult to see most of the time. People say 'It's as plain as the nose on your face.' But how much of the nose on your face can you see, unless someone holds a mirror up to you?" —Isaac Asimov, I, Robot

I would not be where I am today without my support system. Plain and simple. The people in my day-to-day life are my lifelines, whether they are near or far away. They cheer me on when I have exciting days, they sit with me when I fall down, and they lend me a hand when I struggle to get back up and running again.

Focus not only on maintaining their support for you, but be that same support for them. 'Burdens shared are burdens halved' and 'joys shared are joys multiplied' are phrases that ring true 100x over. Cherish these people who are a positive influence in your life, and invest in these relationships.

Tip #5. Make staying in touch with your best, long-distance friends a priority.

Similar to Tip #4, these friends in particular need your attention and cultivation. Since I've moved back to Montana, I've struggled with the change that came from having my best girlfirends so far from me. We used to be roomies, lived next door to each other, or lived only a few blocks down the street. At least we lived in the same town for a time. Now we're anywhere from 520 miles to 1,550 miles away at best... and in some cases we're on opposite ends of the globe. Yes, I've met a few dear friends here in Montana. Yet I miss my college girls and international friends like none other. They are my rock-solid confidants and best encouragers. They have no qualms about telling me when my next idea is inspiring or flat-out crazy (and sometimes they're both, simultaneously).

Clockwise from upper left: Ellen, Katie Z., Sam, Katie C., and Alyssa

The key to these friendships is making the regular effort. If you find yourself lonely and thinking of them, chances are they're feeling the same. It's all a matter of who picks up the phone first, writes that e-mail, sends that letter. Make the time. Because when you rekindle those connections weekly or monthly, you'll feel revived and inspired to make each day more positive.

"A good friend is a connection to life - a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world." —Lois Wyse

Tip #6. Living at home: leave the guilt at the door... at least in the short-term.

"People tend to dwell more on negative things than on good things. So the mind then becomes obsessed with negative things, with judgments, guilt and anxiety produced by thoughts about the future and so on." —Eckhart Tolle

I'm supremely guilty of this. (Yay, nothing like feeling guilty about feeling guilty!) This is especially true when it comes to the 'living at home' situation I have. I'm fighting against this silly cultural stigma in my head... you know, the '40-year-old living in his mother's basement' mental image. I worry that I'll sink back into feeling 'stuck' never moving on with my life. Which is, of course, false. It's just taking my personal demons and throwing them out of proportion.

Yet I know that many of you, like me, have been dealing with the same realities of our economy and the job market, where long-term jobs are difficult to land after graduation, and that moving home after school is sometimes the best option (though not always).

Point is, cut yourself some slack for the short term. Do you want to live with your parents for most of your adult life? Not likely! I love my folks, but after 4 years in college learning to be independent and creating a schedule and lifestyle that works for me, it wasn't easy to move home. And it's still not easy living with my folks. Their house, their rules... which I'm glad to adhere to for the most part, but it certainly restricts my freedom in many ways. Not something I desire to continue in the long run. So set limits for yourself, and work to let go of the guilt.


Tip #7. Set specific, 'ideal career oriented' goals.
First, get rid of unrealistic timing schedules, especially the ones where success is dependent on events outside your control. Instead, set other specific goals and stick to them. For example, don't say "I will have 'X' job by 'Y' month", but rather say "I devote 'Z' hours to my job search and applications every week."

Notice the active tense and the specificity in which these goals are set? It's not a matter of 'I will do this in the afternoon' but rather 'I do this during this specific time each day/week'. I learned this very recently as I began to study the Japanese language through TextFugu.com, and it's one of the first things Koichi recommends in Setting Yourself Up For Success, even before diving into the lessons. Sure, this applies specifically to language learning, yet it is immensely helpful in whatever task you set out to do. Actively give yourself tools and habits to succeed.

"There is no scarcity of opportunity to make a living at what you love; there's only scarcity of resolve to make it happen." —Wayne Dyer

Tip #8. Follow through on your goals by accomplishing something specific each week.
Like Tip #7, this tip focuses on goals. Yet this is the follow-through. The point in creating a weekly goal is not to make you feel as if you aren't doing enough, but that you are actively progressing toward your goals, making that dream more tangible. I say once a week both to instill a habit and to take intense pressure off yourself. It gives you structured time to do whatever-it-is. Does this mean touching up your resume or searching for jobs in your career field? Perhaps. It can be simpler than that as well.

It helps a lot if that weekly activity is something you enjoy. For me, I write... or do something writing related with my long-term projects. I get something accomplished, and it's time specifically reserved in the week for this activity. Usually it happens on Friday evenings, but I give myself flexibility to use other days as well. It's all a matter of focus and building your consistency. Soon, you can add a few days a week if you want.

"Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else." —J.M. Barrie

Tip #9. Find daily reasons to be thankful.
I spent a lot of time studying works by Simone Weil during my senior year of college, and what I loved most about diving into her ideas is that she took life seriously, and she valued it. Attention was one of her main scholarly focuses, how humans operate by it and what we aimed it toward. She found weight and purpose in every interaction, and it inspired her to act on those principles she had come to value so deeply.

Beautiful yellow flowers in the mountains of Montana

I'm not saying we need to take life seriously all the time. We have good days and bad days, days that begin one way and end in another... one intense roller coaster. What I am saying is that our perspective gives great influence over how we experience our days. We all give our attention toward something... so why not nurture it to focus on the good things in life?

I am thankful that I live in a beautiful area of the United States. I am thankful that my family loves and supports me. I am thankful for colorful flowers swaying in a sunny afternoon. I am thankful for the entertaining radio personalities that make me laugh on the drive home from work.

Am I consistent in being thankful for things every day? Nope. Yet when I do, that little snipped of joy and optimism often turns a bad day completely on its head. It's all a matter of perspective.

"What we see depends mainly on what we look for." —John Lubbock

Tip #10. You don't need to have it all figured out.

"What you believe is very powerful. If you have toxic emotions of fear, guilt and depression, it is because you have wrong thinking, and you have wrong thinking because of wrong believing." —Joseph Prince

Boy, did I feel the pressure of needing to have it all figured out. Sometimes, I still do... but that's usually when I find myself in the 'uncharted territory' of life experiences. Funny thing is, all of us find ourselves in uncharted life experience territory.

Remember that someone else's timing is not your timing. The important thing is to work hard and remain focused on your goals. If those goals change and evolve, good! That shows you're progressing, and that you aren't the same person you were one week / one month / one year ago. 

I believe we all have a 'camaraderie in our stupidity' from time to time, where we tell ourselves negative things, listen to the naysayers, put value in things and people who hold no value in us. You won't magically stop stumbling and falling, you won't quit failing at things, and sometimes it'll feel like you have no luck and will never get out of your rut. (I'm starting to sound like one of those naysayers, aren't I?). 

Persevere, adapt, learn, and grow. That's all anyone can ask of you... including what you can ask of yourself. Give it your all, and you'll figure out how to get around that hurdle in your path.

"I hope everyone that is reading this is having a really good day. And if you are not, just know that every new minute that passes you have an opportunity to change that." —Gillian Anderson

What about you? What are you figuring out while in this 'transition phase'? Or are you successfully beyond this point and have any helpful suggestions for the rest of us? I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments!

HoneLife: Play

"In every real man a child is hidden that wants to play." —Friedrich Nietzsche

"Adulthood", the 100% serious kind, can be such a sad state when it comes to play.

I've never really understood the concept of 'work hard, play hard'. Perhaps it's because I tend to be more introverted, but I find playing hard just as exhausting as working hard. To me, that's kind of exhaustion isn't play, and it's not much fun. Yet if that's your cup of tea, more power to you. It's just not for me.

Plus, as children grow into young adults, most play and games become infused with competition. Competition requires a winner and a loser. The winner is rewarded for the exertion put forward in the activity, but the loser isn't so fortunate. Is there joy in losing? Not so much. 

Competition isn't necessarily a bad thing, but if we start to believe that competition and play are inseparable, we're bound to miss out on the joy of playing for its own sake. Some games are played not solely for the victory, to see who wins or loses. Some games are just meant to be experienced.

That's where some of my best memories come from when I was a young child. Yes, we played soccer and tee-ball and other such competitive games. Yet we found more enjoyment playing games that we invented, just for the joys of imagination and the world of pretend. My siblings and I used to turn our camper into the best, bike-accessible-only McDonalds drive-thru. School recess would find my friends and I inventing games to play out in the open field, away from the swings and merry-go-round that was always congested with older kids.

Even now that I'm older, this experiential playtime is what I enjoy most. There's no anxiety over winning and losing when you play doll-house or hunt Easter eggs with a young cousin. Telling stories with a group of Sunday school kids becomes more fun when they begin to invent stories with you. After all, would you think of turning Frankenstein into the size of Godzilla with the power of slime to disintegrate buildings? And would you think to get the Transformers involved to keep him at bay and save all the 'city folks'? I know that wouldn't be my first thought... and that's what makes this kind of play so fun. 

Watching animals at play also brings out that simple joy in the experience, like how our outside dog never gets tired of catching sticks or snow balls (and seems to always wonder where they go when he bites and eats them). And if my family had never moved into the mountains, I never would have witnessed our cat play 'tag' with a young deer.

All this reminds me of innocent play, a kind of play where people can jump in and out of games without interrupting them, and no effort is wasted because playing isn't dependent on winning or losing. It's play for the sake of experience.

With all this in mind, this is my "Honework" of the week:

Play

It was a game she made up,
sprung from imagination like a shooting star
as all children's games begin; what's more,
her friends loved the idea too,
couldn't wait to get started
as she explained the guidelines and clutched
the braided lengths of white horse hair
in her tiny fist,
binding her and her favorite mare together
with the ring of a key chain

They all knew horses,
saw them, loved them, experienced them,
if not in their own backyard ranches
then at the home of a friend
or the bin of a playroom,
plastic legs forever running;
Sometimes they even pretended to be them,
learning to neigh, trot, and gallop on two legs
and eat grass with one leg extended,
though their arms transformed into lips and teeth
so they could reach down without kneeling;
After all, no real horse would do that,
except babies curled up on the ground,
and they didn't want to be babies

But this new game was special,
she knew,
she'd imagined it;
And soon they all did,
pure white horses as they usually were,
they could easily grow a horn
and become magical;
After all, unicorns were a lot like horses,
Only better, because they were said to favor maidens
and they graced the covers of their favorite notebooks,
white and neon brilliance

So they set off
together as a herd,
discovering hidden wonders in the playground,
seeing magical things
only imagination sees

And it gathered attention;
The boys wanted in,
only she had to tell them how, they all agreed
it was the girls' game,
and she was the guide, she led the experience,
not one questioned it
because it didn't need to be,
since not all games are for winning,
some are just for experiencing

Little brow furrowed,
white braided hairs woven in her fingers,
she added the wolves, and thus the chase,
to their enchanted playground field; yet
rules were needed
to balance the boys; they all knew
boys are clever and strong
and when caught up in games
might act too rough; then harm replaces fun,
and none of them wanted that

It was all agreed that the wolf-boys would be
true to their totem
and run on all fours
to chase the girl-unicorns
and catch them in they can; the girls would be
swift, act like they didn't know
a stalking was taking place
until jumping free at the last second
to gallop across the field
neighing in fierce joy,
waiting for the wolf-boys to catch them,
oblivious to the curious stares that followed

She thrilled in the game,
at the unhindered idea that sprang to life
in the hearts of her classmates;
Forgotten were the swings, merry-go-round,
jungle-gym, monkey bars;
All they needed
was themselves
and wide open spaces;
For that moment
she was free,
they were all free
living the purity of play

A little fist raised triumphant,
braided white hair on a key ring
wrapped around a tiny finger; finally
the loss of a favorite, four-legged friend,
a fallen Star
was made whole again
in the memories of two-legged unicorns
and the wolf-boys who chased them

See more "Play" at HoneLife.

"Forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair." —Khalil Gibran

In every real man a child is hidden that wants to play.

Friedrich Nietzsche

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/play.html#W2Be0C051gKvbK0D.99

In every real man a child is hidden that wants to play.

Friedrich Nietzsche

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/play.html#W2Be0C051gKvbK0D.99

In every real man a child is hidden that wants to play.

Friedrich Nietzsche

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/play.html#W2Be0C051gKvbK0D.99

Quotes and Garage Doors

"I was the worst hitter ever. I never broke a bat until last year when I was backing out of the garage." —Lefty Gomez

Guess what day it is. Guess what day it is... Happy 1 year anniversary to me!

My first post-college job, my day job... isn't exactly what you'd expect a writer to have. I work in the office of a small garage door company. I'd have to say it's a typical pink collar job, except perhaps for the knowledge base I've gained in the last 12 months.

It's incredible, the things I never thought I'd know... like how to reprogram a garage door remote or keypad, or to reset signals from the opener. If a door refuses to close normally (but can close if you hold the wall button down), it may just mean the safety beam photo eyes are blocked or out of alignment. I've also been introduced to what certain things constitute as a 'door emergency' (i.e. a broken torsion spring = your door's not going anywhere, and if your car's inside then neither are you.). It's amazing how one necessary phone call like that can alter our entire busy schedule for a week.

Warehouse and Office of Rocky Mountain Doors

I'm learning a very different kind of quoting... and yet I still find a few similarities with this and journalism; it's all about asking the right questions and pulling all the information together to get satisfactory results. In this case, I'm consulting price sheets and vendor information to give customers price quotes. A specified quote depends on what the customer wants: commercial or residential doors, installed or uninstalled, windows or no windows, insulated (and to what degree) or non-insulated, sizing, (decorative) hardware, and compatible openers... You know, just scratching the surface here. The more opportunities I have to quote, the more it strikes me that I always have tons more to learn; and the responsibility keeps me sharp when we all communicate with with the manufacturers, customers, and within the company. And that's just on garage doors! I certainly don't know enough about the automatic gates or central vacuum systems to give quotes in those aspects of this business. Always, I still have lots to learn.

The quirks of a small community... certainly keep things interesting! Many people are friendly, but like any job there are plenty of others who are not. I've recently had notable extremes for both experiences, and I'm glad the good still outweighs the bad. It made my whole week, knowing I was able to help a gal over the phone in programming her garage door remote (hearing the door running in the background and her yelling a great "Woohoo!" makes me smile all over again). Since the business is situated in a rural county with a number of retirees, I work with many folks in the older generations. They have my highest respect, and through this year I've gained a new perspective that has further heightened my admiration. It must be a truly humbling experience for a man to ask assistance from much younger men about a garage door problem he likely could've fixed on his own, were he 10-20 years younger. It must be daunting for the woman to call us for door service when her late husband used to take care of 'all these repair things.' Yet dealing with certain people who 1) act like I'm incompetent because I'm a woman working in the construction field or b) are highly impatient and believe they should be the top priority no matter what... gets exhausting.

That's why it such a perk to have great employers... and if I've learned anything in this past year, it's that any job can make or break you based on where your connections are, who you work with, and who you work for. In all genuineness, I have the best bosses. They have reasonable expectations, they know I'm competent, and they welcome the collaboration from all their employees to make their business run with quality and efficiency. I'm glad I've found an environment for my first job where I know I'm very valued.

So as a writer and post-grad, the silver lining is simple... I have a steady income and steady routine that's helped me get on my post-college feet. The writer's bonus? Being a secretary provides such rich opportunity for character studies. After all, how can writers expect to create engaging characters if we write all the time with little face-to-face contact among others? I get to explore a rich field of ideas and personalities every day.

Much as I enjoy working where I am, I know there are so many things I want to do with my life, and my employers know this as well. So until I finish laying the foundation for what I'm doing next, I plan to keep learning all I can and gaining new experiences.

If nothing else, I have a feeling I may know a thing or two more about garage doors and openers that my future husband... or at least, I'll know exactly who to call if a 'door emergency' ever comes up.

"The doctor must have put my pacemaker in wrong. Every time my husband kisses me, the garage door goes up." —Minnie Pearl

Not-So-Random Acts of Kindness

"The best portion of a good man's life. His little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and love." —William Wordsworth

My morning commute is quite pleasant compared to other areas of the world. I don't have to deal with jammed freeway traffic, crawling along as it takes an hour to travel what would normally be a 10 minute jaunt. I don't have to weave my way along side streets to avoid major areas of traffic concentration. Plus I don't have to watch out for a stream of pedestrians crossing the street in front of me... I just have a few more miles to cover while I keep a steady eye out for active wildlife. All in all, I don't have much to complain about.

I do frequently deal with what I've come to fondly refer to as the 'Senior Citizen Circus'... and since I live in a mostly-retirement community, the phrase has become a stress-diffuser when I enter the office in the morning. At times, driving slower than 45 mph on a two-lane highway with a 70 mph speed limit can become slightly frustrating. At other times, having vehicles pull out in front of you (ignoring their own stop sign) and forcing you to slam on your breaks isn't the most enjoyable experience, even at the points where the two-lanes expand into four. Add pouring rain or fresh snow and ice to the mix, then... well, it can sometimes be a crazy circus. Yet it makes me smile and a little envious, wishing that I didn't always feel like I'm rushing from Point 'A' to Point 'B' everyday.

Junction: US Highway 93 with Montana Highway 38 - Hamilton, Montana

My morning commute is quite pleasant in other respects as well. Each time I reach the point in my drive where I cross the river and enter the four-lane stretch, I see a number of daily pedestrians along a bike path that winds on the west side of the road. At the same time every day, these folks are out and about in the crisp morning air. There's an elderly gentleman always on the stretch closest to the river when I come through, and there's a middle-aged couple who walk hand in hand near where the speed limit changes when coming into town. I've become quite fond of seeing these individuals and their morning routine.

Yet that's not what made me mentally pause and ponder this morning.

One particular elderly woman has always caught my attention on the walking path. Every morning, I see her near the junction of Highway 93 and Highway 38. She's always bundled up for cold weather, and she always has a small, empty-looking plastic grocery bag around her wrist. Always. 

Why? I had thought she was carrying along a water bottle and a snack of some sort. I was wrong.

Without prompting, without any monetary compensation, without a large group of people to help her, without any visible incentive at all... this woman picks up trash all along the walking path. Every day. 

What impresses me the most is that this isn't just a random act of kindness. Don't get me wrong, random acts of kindness are wonderful things! Yet this is a consistent act of kindness, a daily act of service. What makes it so special is that it probably goes unnoticed. Maybe that's why she does it. And it will likely remain unnoticed until, someday (if and when she stops doing it), it's lack of presence will make it suddenly... noticeable.

Whatever her reasons, I admire her for it... and I am encouraged by it. Her example affirms for me the believe that any act of kindness and volunteerism, whether big or small, can make a positive impact.

For anyone who's ever had the desire to volunteer or serve in the community but didn't know where to start, this is as good a place as any. Find something you love to do, or rediscover something you already do on a regular basis. Take it, and look outside the box to find ways to make a difference in the wider community. Whether you're older or younger, a grandparent or a teenager still in high school (special shout-out to my fellow HOBY Alumni around the world), you can impact the world for the better... even through smaller steps. After all, who better to take those steps than you?

In the end, what matters isn't necessarily how much wide-spread attention a project gains or how many people notice it. What does matter is that you've taken the time to notice something that could be better, and you are making the effort to make a difference.

And for those small, daily acts of kindness, let me cheer you on and say, "Way to go!" 

As for me, well, my morning commute won't be the same. Even on the really bad mornings when the drive into town gets frustrating, I hope I'll later be just as inspired by this one woman's simple persistence to pick up trash as I am today.

"To be rich in admiration and free from envy, to rejoice greatly in the good of others, to love with such generosity of heart that your love is still a dear possession in absence or unkindness - these are the gifts which money cannot buy." —Robert Louis Stevenson

The Brief Blogging Hiatus

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.'" —Eleanor Roosevelt

What was I thinking, taking a whole 3 months to write another blog entry? I thought I'd been convincing enough a year ago that good writers must write on a regular basis. Now I seem to be going back on my commitment... and I've been inconsistent for some time now. What happened?

Clearly, I've been on a blogging hiatus of sorts. Unintentional? Yes. Justified? Perhaps. 

You (and I) could see this as a post dedicated to making excuses for myself, and perhaps that's marginally true. Yet I'm choosing to view it in a lens of reality—that life is messy, and day-to-day plans don't always turn out as you want. Sometimes, that's okay. Sometimes it lets you focus on things that are important in that period of time. So, what have I been up to lately?

LOOK OUT, PERSONAL LIFE! 

"Learn to enjoy every minute of your life. Be happy now. Don't wait for something outside yourself to make you happy in the future. Think how really precious is the time you have to spend, whether it's at work or with your family. Every minute should be enjoyed and savored." 

—Earl Nightingale

Whatever writing aspirations I have, I have sacrificed them on occasion in light of giving necessary attention to some very important people in my life. And sometimes, I take time away from writing to better take care of myself. Because sometimes I need to regroup.

It's not that I get nothing done, or that I hit writers block and don't have the courage to push through it. Rather, I believe that people are more important. My summer's been a roller coaster of highs and lows, and I'm sure others can relate to similar situations. Only this time around, I sacrificed some of my writing time to help me take care of myself—and better culture my relationships with family and friends. While it was difficult knowing that I wanted to write productively but couldn't (for various reasons), I believe it was the right decision for me.

This also doesn't mean that I'm going to make a habit of making 'writer's block' some kind of excuse every time my personal life takes a drastic upward or downward turn. Absolutely not. Yet I'm recognizing that for this summer, taking the extra time was something I needed to do.

One more thing: a huge thanks to a dear friend of mine, Vivienne. She's halfway around the world, and we haven't seen each other in a few years now... but she's such an inspiration to me. Whenever I need a word of encouragement, even when I don't realize I need it—she's there to provide it. 谢谢!

"I think it's important to get your surroundings as well as yourself into a positive state—meaning surround yourself with positive people, not the kind who are negative and jealous of everything you do." 

—Heidi Klum

THE READING DRIVE AND THE WRITING SPRINTS

"A great book should leave you with many experiences, and slightly exhausted at the end. You live several lives while reading."

—William Styron

In the meantime, I'd like to give some credit to my subconscious; it looks like I dove into a summer reading spree! 

I can't say I'm disappointed at all. I've been craving some good books to read, and not solely for pleasure. I realized back in June that I had a tendency to pick up books that speak from 1st person point of view. This isn't 'bad' by any means, but for my personal writing purposes, it wasn't entirely helpful either. The long writing project I've been working on is written from 3rd person limited. Yet the more I read of 1st person heroes and heroines, the more my writing style tried to emulate that position. After a while, it just doesn't work. Sure, there are instances of personal thoughts sprinkled throughout my project, but my writing doesn't derive solely from the eyes of one character... and that creates a significant change in how a story is told.

Not only did I seek out 'new' books written in 3rd person ('new' to me that is, instead of rereading some of my regular favorites), but I also devoted more time to reading in general this summer. Turns out, the 'brain break' transition from lots of writing to lots of reading was exactly what I needed. I have ideas springing up from my mind on a regular basis, instead of me feeling like I must dig furlongs deep just to find one good one. 

I can't forget a huge source of inspiration I discovered over this spring and summer. A lot of credit goes to Write Club for my renewed enthusiasm. Friday Night Writes is a group of writers from around the world (primarily the US, Canada, Australia, and the UK) who connect through Twitter via @FriNightWrites and #writeclub. Every Friday night they conduct 30 minute writing sprints with 10-15 minute breaks in between, and anyone can jump in! During the break, all writers tweet their word count for that sprint, using #writeclub so that Friday Night Writes can keep track of the statistics. The whole point is to get writers motivated to really write, even if what's typed or written longhand doesn't seem totally worthwhile at the time. It's truly the biggest, best support group of writers I have ever encountered—and most of us have never met in person. To see the talent that emerges from every single participant... it's an awe-some and truly humbling experience. Plus, it gives procrastinators (like myself) a good kick in the behind to get some solid writing accomplished.

"Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing." 

—Benjamin Franklin

Needless to say... my blogging hiatus is over. After all, creating a story, writing an article, or recording an experience needs to be meaningful—otherwise, why bother reading it? So I'll keep writing, and I'll make it worthwhile.

"It had long since come to my attention that people of accomplishment rarely sat back and let things happen to them. They went out and happened to things." —Leonardo da Vinci 

What's there to do in Montana?

"I gotta be where I can see those Rocky Mountains, ride my horse, and watch an eagle fly." —Chris Ledoux

It's the kind of question I've been asked many, many times in my young life. It's the question I both welcome and dread when someone finds out where I'm from. It's what makes this state "The Last Best Place." It's what most East Coast and Midwest folks seem to have a hard time understanding, what Southern Hospitality comes very close to, and where many Californians like to come to get away. 

It's why I keep coming back here.

THE QUESTION: "What's there to do in Montana?"

Depending on how much sarcasm is expressed in the face-to-face asking, I'm always tempted to reply with, "Well, with that kind of attitude... not much."

But to those genuine-seekers who love learning about other places, I invite you to peek into the doings of my home state. So with one word, what's there to do in Montana? Plenty.

At first glance, it may seem that Montana doesn't offer much for the city-dweller. As it is, Billings is the largest city in Montana, and it boasts of only 105,636 people over 41.6 square miles (Census 2011). The city I grew up near, Missoula (the second-largest city in the state), encompasses only 67,290 people in an area of 23.9 square miles (Census 2011). Numbers-wise... not terribly impressive.

That's the beauty of it! There's plenty of wide open space to do almost anything you want.

Go hiking up a mountain trail and see the vast city and country unfold before your eyes. 

Missoula, Montana - March, 2013

Discover the lakes and rivers in the area, inside or far from the city. (See the Clark Fork River winding through the right side of the photo above? Missoulians and visitors alike enjoy walking, running, rafting, or biking along this river inside the city.) The mountains are filled with easy-access points for even novice hikers to go exploring, yet Montana holds many of the few wilderness areas left in the contiguous United States that are practically untouched by human hands.

Ever since I was a little girl, I've loved horseback riding - especially when the opportunity arose to take the basics I learned in the riding arena and head straight out into the open fields or up a mountain trail. Sure, you can horseback ride in many parts of the world, but there's nothing quite like experiencing firsthand what it could be like to live as a true cowboy or cowgirl - with the picturesque Rocky Mountains on the horizon or their foothills dictating the design of the very trail you're riding on. Maybe you'd even follow in the footsteps of Lewis and Clark from their 1802-1804 exploration.

Montana also boasts a number of skiing/snowboarding resorts (approx. 18) all across the state: I live only 45 minutes away from one Montana ski resort. It's a sweet experience knowing you can learn to ski or snowboard at a very young age, and it's a recreational activity the whole family can enjoy. I went skiing one winter at the Porcupine Mountains Ski Area in the Upper Peninsula (UP) of Michigan, and let's just say that it's fine and dandy for the Midwest, beautiful in its own way with Lake Superior nearby - but I'll still never think of the Porcupines as real mountains since every difficult ski run there was equivalent to an easy/moderate run in the Rockies.

Another unique aspect of Montana mountain life is going wild huckleberry picking in the summer. Huckleberries look a little like blueberries, except they're smaller and slightly more tart. Most of the bushes they grow from reach about knee-high. The berries grow at higher elevations and typically ripen in mid- to late summer. In western Montana, a good rule of thumb is to check the huckleberry patches during the last week of July and first week of August; too early and the berries will still be green, too late and they'll be all gone. Be sure to wear close-toe shoes and an old pair of jeans - ones you don't mind getting purple stains all over. Huckleberry picking takes a good dose of patience to collect a lot of berries, so don't lose heart if your first 3 hours on the mountain only yield 2-3 cups of berries. It'll be worth it.

The skepticism that comes with asking about Montana is usually rooted in what people perceive to be a lack of city activity. Sure, Montana can't boast of any national sports teams, can't portray itself as a multicultural hub of international influence, can't claim to be the hot spot of music and entertainment. Yet we love our university sports, our strong Native American heritage, our weekend farmers' markets and community activities. You can't go anywhere in Montana without seeing some type of University of Montana (U of M) Griz or Montana State University (MSU) Bobcat decals. You can't travel the land without seeing remnants of Native American history in the names, historical sites, and distinctive landmarks. And you can't cross this vast state without noticing family-oriented small town events with parades, rodeos, county fairs, concerts, triathlons/marathons, and many other weekly community events.

All this and more is my testament to the variety of doings that Montana offers. I'm sure I've left out a number of exciting, uniquely-Montanan activities - but there's one special ingredient that truly makes Montana "The Last Best Place," and that is the people who call it home. 

We are frank, bluntly honest people who aren't afraid to tell it like it is. We are diverse in ideas and opinions and aren't afraid to express ourselves. Yet overall, we are engaging and wonderfully friendly people, especially to visitors and new residents. We are just as likely to say hello or wave in passing as we are to ask for your life's story while standing in a checkout line. Depending on where you're from, it might seem like we come off too strong at first, or pry where it's not our business. But we honestly care, and we make a point to show genuine interest in others. Thankfully, we don't plan on changing our approach anytime soon. It's what makes Montanans... well, Montanans. For that, I will always love the people here.

"May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds." —Edward Abbey

The Melancholy Months, Part 2... Discovery, Fighting Back, Turning Point

"Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced." —James Baldwin

*Why am I crafting a retelling of my post-college triumphs and letdowns? I'm not sure if it will benefit you in any way. I don't even know if many people will read this. Nonetheless, I think there's something to be learned by sharing a story. This is the longer, second part of this story that covers a long 5 months. I hope you'll bear with me. I'm learning more about myself in attempting to write this out; and in some small way, I hope that other struggling post-graduates reading this may realize that we aren't alone in our challenges.*

... Continued from The Melancholy Months, Part 1

DISCOVERY
It began on the ski slopes in January. It came full circle on those same slopes a month later. 

It’s where I discovered a blooming weed in my life’s garden, and I wondered if I could find the strength to rip it up by the roots and toss it out.

I did, but it's been a long process. And first, I had to face my foil.

What do I mean by ‘foil’? No, I’m not talking about foiled (as in frustrated) plans, and I’m certainly not talking about tin foil for cooking... 

Let me (re)open your literary dictionary (…you know, the one that got buried the moment freshman English in high school was over and done with): a foil in literary terms usually references two characters in a story who are strikingly opposite. This may be in appearance, personality, moral values, and so on. 

As for me, I think God deliberately presented me with my own real-life foil. This person isn't my polar opposite by any means. We actually have a common moral foundation and many similar interests. After all, we’re friends.

Take me and this friend. Add my two siblings. Place us at a ski lodge on a January Saturday. It’s the perfect setting for a soul-searching confrontation, right?

“I’m so happy and content,” my friend said. We were on one of the chairlifts heading halfway up the mountain, and he'd been in Montana for about 5 months. He started talking about how much he likes being here, the interesting people he was meeting, and all the learning opportunities he was experiencing. He would only be here for a full year, yet he’d been enjoying every minute to the fullest since he’d arrived.

It was the contentment that got to me. 

I wasn’t angry—if I had felt that way in the slightest, it was a static shock that disappeared in the same instant it came. I wasn’t initially sad either, though that would hit me later. No, what shocked me was the gaping hole I felt within myself. Like being doused with cold water, I was stunned—not that he was content, but that I was not.

I was upset that I hadn’t realized it until right then. I was frustrated with my life. Which is ridiculous. Which ticked me off even more. I’m only 22! It hadn’t even been a year since I graduated college. I still had all the potential in the world at my fingertips. None of that had changed. Yet the contentment I’d had a year ago had evaporated, little by little.

That first realization was followed by a rush of more revelations, though less than a minute had passed and we were still on the chairlift carrying us up the mountain. Everything I had been feeling and carrying with me in the last few months was starting to boil over.

Struggling.
Inadequate.
Disconnected.
Discouraged.
Isolated.
Stagnant.

Unhappy.

In all of this, I had also been fighting against my own notion of feeling ‘stuck’. I dearly love the Montana community I have grown up in: the familiar, breath-taking sights; the familiar, friendly faces; the same small town quirks that become more endearing than annoying. 

Yet I felt stuck because I expected to be somewhere else in the world by now (not necessarily defined by social standing or defined by an unmet career goal). I felt stuck because I thought Montana was supposed to be my refuge when I needed to escape the routine of a big-city lifestyle. I hadn’t planned on Montana being where I would start my post-grad life. Montana is home in a way that no other place on earth will ever be, if only as the place where I can step outside my door and be ready to walk straight up a mountain trail. I hadn’t expected my safe haven to become a semi-permanent residence so soon. For all Montana’s inspirational beauty and engaging rural/city culture contrasts, I thought it was more ideal state for engineers or foresters. I didn’t think it was practical for me anymore.

What was I going to do about this 'stuck' feeling? That was the overall question. Did I have an answer? Well, I didn't at that moment. At the time, I didn’t know whether I had truly hit rock bottom on an emotional level. Yet it didn’t really matter whether I had or not. This was far enough. I determined that this was far enough. I was going to change my outlook, and I knew it would be work, but I decided that I could no longer handle the alternative. Feeling depressed and discontent was no longer an acceptable option.

Many things in life are out of our control, much as we often wish it was otherwise. Life is hard. We face many challenges, and the minute we overcome one is when another crops up to take its place. If it’s not getting through high school and into college, it’s surviving/thriving in college and getting to another graduation. If it’s not applying for jobs and working up the corporate ladder to land the 'dream job,' it’s fighting to get into graduate school. If it's not searching for 'the one,' it's maintaining our current relationships with family or friends, many of them over long distances.

FIGHTING BACK
However, there comes a point when you realize that you're sick and tired of feeling sick and tired—physically, emotionally, spiritually. When you finally hit this point where you're knocked flat on your back, you have a choice. We all do.

1) We can sink further into despair and resign ourselves to the perceived reality that this is as good as it gets and it won't get any better...
2) We can wait for our very own 'special someone' to ride into our lives and sweep us off our feet, or hope that the universe conspires in our favor and we'll finally catch that lucky 'big break'...
3) We can work to stand up, work to brush ourselves off, and work to jump back in the race...

The problem with the first option is obvious: you choose to give up. You give up hope and you give up trying. Most of us resist this option kicking and screaming. But the truth is, when you're at your lowest low, this option is tempting. It takes serious willpower just to move an inch after falling down. Yet many of us decide that moving is too painful and we don't want to risk putting ourselves out there again—only to get kicked down again. If you're at this point and have decided not to move, I hope you at least choose to sit up and look around; the sky above may be cloudy, but how will you see the blue horizon if you refuse to look for it?

The flaw with the second option is that you're wishing things will get better and you hope you won't have to lift a finger to make them happen. You think it'll just happen. The problem is, if you have very little desire to get up off the ground, why should you expect another person, even that 'special someone,' to come along and do all the work for you? To me at least, that's unrealistic.*** As for catching that 'big break,' if you wait around in a helpless state for it to come along on its own, it'll never happen. Timing does play a role in any success, but the chances of your success story coming true is hampered if you have no daily, hard work to show that you're dedicated to your dreams.

I challenge you, as I challenge myself, to take up the third option. And it isn't easy. It's work. Daily work. Hard work. But it can be done.

When I discovered just how defeated I had been feeling, I decided that the first thing I needed was to identify what had tripped me up in the first place. Part of it was that I needed an inner attitude change—that instead of focusing on all the things I could not do, I needed to rediscover all the big and small things in my life that I could be thankful for. 

I had been dwelling on how I, in my mind, had turned into 'that post-grad' who would fly back to her hometown and remain stuck there for many years to come. I was afraid I would become 'that post-grad' who never gained enough courage to pursue the career she wanted...

Really, since when did I confine myself to stereotypes? 

So I couldn't fulfill my desire to travel the world just now, practically speaking. So I couldn't meet up more often with my close friends. So I didn't land my 'dream job' fresh out of college. Yet I already have so much! I have all the basic necessities at my fingertips that many people in this world must work all day long just to have for one day (food, clean water, shelter, and safety). I have a source of income. I have friends and family who love me.

It's funny... when you decide to look for all the good things in your life, you'll realize that joy truly is a bigger part of your life, yet you've let all the bad cover up those delightful moments of optimism. That's what happened to me, and it's taken me some time to rediscover that the blessings I have still outweigh the disappointments of yet-to-be fulfilled dreams. I have a lot to be thankful for, more than most people in this world.

***Note: I'm not speaking in regard to Christian salvation and our relationship with God and Jesus Christ, though the thought has crossed my mind in writing this. I touch more on this  topic, using a religious lens, in a previous post.


TURNING POINT 
I found my turning point when I revisited the ski slopes in February. It was that new Saturday when I found joy again. I was having a great time with my brother and our friends, and for once—I wasn't consumed with worry over my future. That day, I lived in the moment with an eye toward my goals. Since then... well, it's a continual task to find joy in each day. But if I've learned anything it's that joy can't be found unless you're looking for it.

Now, I smile when sunlight touches my face or I see someone singing to the radio in the car next to me. I laugh when my sister's dog, Foxy, greets me with such exuberance that I nearly fall over when she skids to a stop into my legs... 

Mmm, so good!!

...or when our other dog, Belle, sticks her head in a dog food can to lick up every last bit of gravy. I went to out to the local mountain lake just for the sole purpose of eating a single taco. And it was delicious!

I began writing again—doing one small thing in the day that brings me personal enjoyment, even if it is work. I found a way to volunteer in my community, and the joy I see in a young person's accomplishments gives me great satisfaction as a mentor. I reconnect with friends, both far away and close to home. The best part is, the best ones tend to reach out and find a way to reconnect with me too, even if a lot of time has passed between greetings.

In the end, I've realized that my personal, unfulfilled dreams haven't disappeared forever. They're just untapped potential. As I realized this, and when I found a way to be thankful for all that I do have, I find it easier to pull those anxieties out of my garden. For the uncertainties of the future and for the stereotypes I've put on myself, they no longer cripple me. I cripple them. They come back to visit once in a while, a flying seed on the wind, and it takes work to toss them out of my garden again, but rip them up I do.

When I remind myself that each day is a gift of undetermined limits, then the future opens up again—bright, clean, and untouched.

I began dreaming again, and these dreams are taking root.

"Sometimes we look for those thunderous things to happen in our life for our lives to change or go in the other direction. We seek the miracle. We seek the parting of the seas, the moving of the mountains. But no, it's a quiet thing. At least for me it was." —Ben Vereen